fckyourconversiontherapyrhetoric:

You’re not not homophobic just because you agree that homosexuals should not be forced to have sex with a person of the opposite sex if that person is pre-op/non-passing, if you still push that it’s transphobic to exclude ALL trans people from one’s dating pool.

“But what about trans people who undergo SRS??”

First of all, secondary sex characteristics are just as important as genitals. But even if you insist on pretending that the only thing setting a male body and a female body apart is the crotch region, that point is still bullshit. A neo-vagina is not the same thing as a natal vagina. Even if the surgeon does a stellar job in making it look the same, it still doesn’t function the same. And the same goes for phalloplasty, as well.

“But you can’t always tell someone is trans! Saying you’ll never date a trans person is transphobic because it implies you think they’re all non-passing!”

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to date a biological male, no matter how well that person passes. I don’t care how many thousands of dollars a trans woman pours into looking as feminine as possible because their body is still biologically male. There is no changing that.
I can honestly tell you I’ve never met a trans woman in person who passed well enough to make me believe they were cis, but even if I did, I still would not include them in my dating pool because I don’t want to date biological males. This is for a variety of reasons – reasons that I am not obligated to share with anyone, because I don’t have to give anyone access to my body period. I don’t owe anybody sex. 

Nobody owes anybody sex. No means no. And if this hypothetical trans woman managed to trick me into sleeping with them, they would be raping me. It’s called rape by deception.

So, once again: I don’t want to date a biological male, no matter how well that person passes. 

And I don’t have to. And if you tell me I can’t exclude them just because they paid a surgeon a ridiculous amount of money to have their Adam’s apple shaved of, you’re a homophobe. And if you try to guilt-trip me into dating someone I am not comfortable dating, you are a rapey homophobe.

Does this mean I do not want that person to have equal rights? To have access to health care or job security or the same minimum wage as ‘cis’ people or whatever? No! Just because I don’t want to date them doesn’t mean I don’t think they deserve the same rights as everyone else. But sex is not a human right. And dating is not a human right. And that’s why not dating a biological male does not make me a transphobe.

That’s why you’re still a homophobe, even if you respect “genital preferences”. (Homosexuality is not a preference, while we’re on the subject.)

That’s why you’re still pushing rape rhetoric if you tell someone that excluding all trans people from our dating pool is transphobic “because you can’t always tell if someone is trans.”

Maybe you’re right, maybe you can’t always tell, but if a trans person hides this truth from the people they intend to sleep with, they are committing a crime.

the-radical-buzzard-of-discourse:

gayheretic:

nonbinary-support:

Please I know you talked about deleting asks about genital attraction but I’m freaking out. I’ve had so many panic attacks over this. 

Urgent – is it OK to identify as asexual if it’s too painful and hard to be sexually open to all genitals??? Or can I date and just not have sex if Im uncomfortable or is that bad 

[I’m assuming all of these asks were sent by the same person since they were sent right in a row and are about the same content matter]

---

Calling people who were assigned male at birth “amabs” is dehumanizing. Not all people who were assigned male at birth have the same set up genitals-wise. You’re still transmisogonistic if you ID as ace specifically to avoid sexual interactions with people who were AMAB. 

Ding as ace to avoid an entire group of people who are diverse and varied is gross.

You don’t have to have sex with anyone! Not having sex with people is okay. You don’t have to have sex with everyone you date. You don’t have to have sex with anyone you date! Any time you have sex with someone you should feel able to talk about what makes you comfortable, what makes you uncomfortable, what bits you are okay with, and what bits you aren’t okay with. [here is a good resource for that sort of thing, warnings for talk of menstruation, pregnancy, and general sex talk].

tl;dr: IDing as ace specifically to avoid having sex with people who were assigned male at birth (a large and varied group of people) is transmisogonistic. You don’t have to have sex with anyone. Talk about things with your partner(s) beforehand.

–Ell

Did you wake up this morning and think “I’m a terrible homophobe who doesn’t really understand sexuality so how about I push that on a scared lesbian”?

Imagine still thinking you’re on the right side of history when you’re so homophobic that you’ve forced a lesbian to believe she needs to identify as asexual because you’ve made her so ashamed of her orientation and that’s the only way she thinks she’s “allowed” to say no to sex she doesn’t want. Absolutely unbelievable.